Siemering Hot Opinions

My Brother Art

2006-09-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since my brother Art Siemering past away unexpectedly at age 64. He was born in Grand Island, Nebraska on May 28, 1941 and died on September 3, 2005 in Overland Park, Kansas.
I had just spoken to him by phone 2 days earlier, and he told me he had just lost his long-time job with Noble and Associates. I was planning on leaving on September 3rd to visit Art and his wife, Carol, when I got the news from my other sister-in-law, Kay, my other brother Ken's wife.

This is a brief tribute and remembrance of my brother.

Art was down-to-earth- unpretentious, but wanted to have nice stuff for himself and his family: 2 children, Bob and Becky and 1 grandchild, Emma (see photo above.) He had many cool cars over the years, including a Riley, Barracuda, MG, and Saab. He was not high-tech- he just recently had bought a TV-DVD combo.
He was an old-school liberal Democrat: always concerned for the least in society; not a prejudiced bone in his body. Art had a sometimes-salty sense of humor, but was never obscene.
He accepted me, with all my faults: bailing me out of some stupid situations. Art was never judgemental of me, but would give advice when I asked for it.
He was loyal to his wife and kids, moral in a non-religious way. All three share his good qualities, and are good people. I feel lucky to have had him for my brother. My brother Ken, his wife Kay, and their girls Karyn, Kim, and Kris are also a blessing in my life and I treasure our relationships.
I became even closer to Art and Ken when our parents passed away, since I was the "baby" of the family. Both brothers have helped me out many times over the years.
Art took care of all the details when our dad died. He did every thing he was supposed to and never thought of taking anything for his own benefit. He even took our mom into his home in the last years of her life when she could no longer live on her own. I will always treasure that act of generousity.
And he was generous to a fault: didn't hold on to money, but used it for his family and a few obsessions such as jazz, wine, movies, and good food. He miraculously rose above our plain food, picky-eating childhood family to become the world-class food expert that he was.
He was fun-loving, and could find humor in many everyday situations. We spent a lot of time, when I visited him, laughing about old times, (and some new.) He loved railroads, classic cars, and classic television shows.
Art was very intelligent. He was the first-born child of older parents, and read voraciously, even though his eyesight was bad from birth. He never went to college, but was a master in the arts, humanities, and history.

I'll miss Art because he was smart, fun, loving, moral, and creative. Mainly, I'll miss him because he was my brother, and I loved him.

It's Been a Long, Long Time.

2005-06-04T05:32:00.000-07:00

Contrary to public opinion, I am not dead, although I feel like it sometimes! I guess I'm really not good at being a DAILY columnist at this time. Ebay has taken over my life for now - it IS very addictive! My selling has gone way more sucessfully than I expected. (Visit my store at http://www.stores.ebay.com/Kwirk-Kafe). So, from now on I will leave comments as they strike me with no huge plan in mind. Here goes:
Here are a few more things I hate:

The Burger King standing at the guy's window in that awful TV commercial. He makes Ronald McDonald look like Tom Cruise. He is the personification of scary clowns. If you woke up to him, you'd think you were in the middle of a nightmare!
Mime: one of the most awful displays of ego there ever has been. Someone who is TOTALLY absorbed in their own world, wrongly assuming that anyone cares.
Opera: should retreat to the Renaissance Period where it probably was entertaining, since they didn't have much else to amuse themselves. Side note: If I ever hear that awful expression "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings." again, I think I'll slap someone!
Renaissance Festivals: Too awful to even imagine attending. "Grown-ups" acting out a period of time that is best left in the distant past. ( See previous comment.)

That' s enough trouble for now. I'll be back soon - keep the light on for me!

The Death Penalty - A Start to an End

2005-05-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

This will be the first chapter in spelling out what I think of the death penalty. I plan to span several columns with this weighty topic, so let's begin:

Above all, I came down on the side of anti-death penalty a long time ago. Something about it has never felt right to me. The only possible reason to use it that I see is for retribution, getting back at someone for doing something bad to you. I just don't see this as morally valid.
Michael Dukakis (remember him?) was ridiculed out of any chance of winning the election against George Bush, the First, by Republicans, along with a compliant media. His sin? He stumbled, during one of their debates, over a question of what he would do if his wife was killed. He was asked if he would be for the death penalty for his wife's hypothetical murderer. He was taken by surprise, and acted like he did not quite know what to say. A "nuclear bomb" tactic, indeed!
I would have had a hard time coming up with the right words, too, as is often the case in debating strident right-wingers. These are the people who take advantage of populist sentiment of the moment to push their own mean-spirited agenda. I would have commented about how nasty and superficial the question was, and then gone on to say that what I believe about the death penalty is etched in stone, (in fact, The Ten Commandments, which Fundamentalist Christians have adopted as their own,) even if the victim is my wife, and I might have a gut feeling of revenge. I would ask for life without parole for the murderer, to be sure he pays for what he did.
Further comments to come. This is NOT the end.

A Little More About Me.

2005-05-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's column reminded me that I wanted readers to know The North Star wasn't my first stab at writing. When I was a kid, I put out one page neighborhood news letters. Really just a bunch of kid stuff. My oldest brother had a little rubber typeset printer and I had a plastic offset printer. Neither one worked very well, so I printed the papers out by hand. At least one copy still exists, about 50 years later, and I can't believe the things I talked about.
In high school, I worked on 2 other newspapers during summer programs I attended. Then in college, the University of Nebraska at Omaha, I worked on the Gateway newspaper and the yearbook. At that time, I got a BA in broadcasting, but never went into the field.
About 35 years later, during a period of unemployment, I went back to school and got an Associate degree in graphic arts and a second BA, in journalism. At the same time, I wrote music reviews for 3 local alternative papers plus the Gateway (again.) This was one of the most fun times of my life, which I will write more about soon.
At this point in time, the only other writing I'm doing is creating ads for my various sales on the infamous eBay. If you want to see what I am selling, go to http://stores.ebay.com/Kwirk-Kafe. I call it that, because I intended to use it to sell a lot of Adult magazines, tapes, etc. Unfortunatey, eBay does not allow stores to sell that stuff. You have to sell by auction only in the Mature Audiences area. So, of course, that's what I do. I sell in that area under the name "siement". See for yourself, but don't be shocked by what you might find! Let's just say I sell a real variety of stuff.
I am presently working on a website where I will eventually sell my stuff directly. It is siement.com. I have a nice starter page there, but that is all so far.

There. Now you know a little bit more about me. Isn't that special?

Snarking

2005-04-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, many, many years ago, (Omaha North HS, Class of '66,) I wrote a humor and gossip column for the school newspaper, The North Star. I called it "Out of the Frying Pan", because I always figured I was jumping into the fire. I really went in with both feet one day. In a column, I wrote about how some students were out behind the building "snarking" before school. The principal, Harold Reeves, who was some kind of a prude, misunderstood completely what the word meant.
Snarking was a kind of game where six guys kicked around a small, wooden football-shaped object, trying to keep it in the air with only their feet. It was basically what we now call Hackey-sack. Mr. Reeves apparently thought it was some sexual reference. He gave the journalism teacher hell for publishing it and demanded an apology from me.

The reason it got published at all is because I was the Editor of the paper, did all the proof-reading, and went to the printer to approve the final set-up of each issue. (This was way before Quark and all those other publishing programs on the computer. Computers were room-size devices that used IBM punch cards to store data.)
My dad went in with me to speak to Mr. Reeves and explain how this was not the least bit offensive. He still did not agree.
The teacher stopped speaking to me for nearly the whole rest of the school year. She finally was forced to speak to me when I had to ride home from a school event with her and she had to find out where to drop me off. Needless to say, her reaction was a bit juvenile.
I kept writing the column until the end of the semester and tried my best to stay out of trouble. Later that year, my senior year, Mr. Reeves seemed to have gotten over it by blanking out who I was, and calling me "Gary" for some reason.

And the guys kept snarking. Maybe we should all do that!

It's Hard not to bash Bush (and Rush)

2005-04-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

Just watching the President's press conference was enough to make me gag. He managed to avoid answering every important question about his Supreme Court nominees, John Bolton, gas prices, you name it. He was smarmy and evasive and semi-illiterate, as usual. He put on his best passive-aggresive, folksy-guy routine when he called one reporter "Stringbean." The guy answered "I've been called worse." What he was probably thinking was "...by better people than you." What he should have done was call Bush "Stringbrain". That would have been good!
In the middle of all his usual verbage (or is it Garbage?) he dropped a bombshell. I hope every Democrat, Republican, and Independent, who cares about average people, will pick up this and run with it. He proposed a truly progressive, Democrat-like, New Deal, Great Society idea: to pay out BIGGER Social Security payments to poor people (the many who depend on SS alone) and SMALLER payments to wealthier people. This is exactly what conservatives always accuse liberals of promoting: redistribution of wealth.
This is one change whose time, maybe, has finally come. Many Democrats have been pushing this for years. It would probably save the Social Security trust fund from running out of money for many, many more years. I'd say it is probably the only fix the system needs for now. Where did Bush come up with this one? If he would just drop the personal account thing and keep his eye on how to help the least of us, he might have a chance of redeeming himself, and actually being a Passionate Conservative.
Another person, who is anything BUT a passionate conservative may finally be getting his due. Rush Limbaugh actually lost his case in the Florida Supreme Court. He now may have to answer to charges concerning his illegal use of drugs. The mean, hateful jerk deserves jail time like the much gentler Martha Stewart. She may be greedy, but her advice is always meant to help people. She always exudes a positive attitude. Unlike Rush, who promotes negativity and makes an art out of hurting and making fun of good people. Rush speaks out loud the prejudicial thoughts that many, many people have. He tries to make an end-run around our entire system of government.
Thank God we have a representative democracy, instead of a direct democracy. If Rush's devotees had there pet causes put into law, the clock would be turned back to the 19th century. And thank God we have the courts to put the brakes on all the various things in life that hurt the least among us. The courts have forced many changes on the reluctant that help the people who have no power. Many people only care about themselves. The courts have allowed the rest of us to be just as important. They have allowed America to be as great as it is now.
A lot more work needs to be done.

RED (State) ALERT!!!

2005-04-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

Is Bush losing it? The answer, course, is, no, he lost it years ago. Here are 3 recent examples of why I think he is A) a puppet of big business, the mega-rich, and the Moral Minority, B) completely and utterly stupid, or C) a compulsive liar:

His totally bizarre and unnecessary Social Insecurity private investment plan. A sure way for his banking industry backers to get way richer, and the US to go even further into debt than all his crap has already taken us. (Remember the last president's huge budget surplus? Certainly a fond memory.) How can he say, with a straight face, that we need to allow people to redirect part of their FICA taxes to personal savings accounts? As I've said before, don't we already have these, with 401ks, etc.?
He somehow manages to keep a straight face (well, he does smirk a bit when he talks about this) and say there is nothing he can do about the gas prices. Who decided to raise these prices? Duh! His buddies in the oil industry. Nothing can stand in the way of their gigantic profits! How about cutting profits and executive salaries to much more modest levels? Greed trumps decency every time. (An aside, Isn't Trump a good name for The Donald? He thinks he holds the trump card in the big poker game of life.)
It just doesn't seem possible that a reasonable person would nominate such a complete jerk as John Bolton to be our UN ambassador. But it wasn't a reasonable person, it was our President. What a great representative of our country Bolton will make! The Ugly American personified. A self-professed UN hater being sent there by our government. How humiliating. But apparently not for GW. If he gets the chance, he'll probably appoint Pat Buchanan to head the INS.

Enough Bush-bashing for today. There's always tomorrow - unless the Bushies have there way. Then there will only be yesterday.

Stating the Obvious- Part 1

2005-04-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

Some things are just obvious to me, but I consider them worth remembering when people argue over the relative value of one thing over another.

Beta came before VHS. Sony invented the video tape format, and it was used in broadcasting for years before it became available to the public (at $1000.00 or more). VHS became more popular, I guess, because you could record 2 hours longer on the tapes. When I first bought blank VHS tapes, around 1980, they were $10.00 each! The player I bought in 1983 was something like $200.00. Prices have defintitely come down. And Beta has gone the way of the 8-Track.
CDs and DVDs will not be around much longer. With all the new, tiny data storage devices and media players, there is no need for those big, round, awkward, easily damaged pieces of crap that were foisted on the public by extremely greedy mega-corporations. These dubious inventions made us all go out and buy new versions of our records, tapes, and videos. They would have gone away if so many of us hadn't given in to their come-on. I certainly held out as long as I could. Let's see exactly what they will push on us now to listen to Led Zeppelin or watch our "Porky's" collection. Pretty soon, all our devices will become extinct, like our TVs, when the new High Defintion systems come out. By the way, have you tried to buy a needle for an Edison Victrola or a bulb for your Super 8 projector lately?
Apple came up with the format of windows, instead of DOS, and the mouse for easier navigation on the computer screen. Microsoft basically stole it all, and now dominates the market. It is definitely the WalMart of the computer industry. Bill Gates and Company would love to have a monopoly on EVERYTHING that even remotely relates to computing. And don't they do a good job? Steve Jobs and Apple keep coming up with more and more wonderful innovations. Unfortunately, they're usually priced out of reach of the average user. Apple may be Number 2, but they try harder!

I will keep adding more of my observations of the obvious as time goes on. Enough for now.

Urinal Kinds of Trouble

2005-04-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

Say it with the accent on the "al", and you'll catch my drift. It's time to write about bathroom fixtures again. First off, did you see "For Better of For Worse" in Sunday's comics? It showed the dog slurping water out of the toilet (they don't call them "water closets" for nothing!), leaving a mess all over the seat, which, of course, against my rule #1, was left down with the lid up. He slopped it all over the seat and floor. Then the wife gets up to go potty. It's the middle of the night, so she's all groggy. She sits down right in it, jumps back up, and storms into the bedroom, screaming at her poor, sleeping husband who knows nothing about it. After all, he didn't drink out of the bowl. I want to know if cartoonist Lynn Johnston has been reading my column.
Secondly, for men only, (presumably). Don't you hate it when you are the only one at the urinals, and some jerk comes up and pees right next to you? What the hell is on his mind? Oftentimes, it's probably better not to know. But seriously, why DO men have to put up with these side-by-side urinals, with no privacy walls, or worse, the troughs (you know what I mean.) Then there are the public bathrooms with no doors, or worse, no walls around the toilets. All I know is, not many men want to watch someone else go #1, or, especially, #2. There is a certain audience for such a thing, but I won't go there.
Why do this travesty persist? All men should be up in arms over this abomination (but watch your aim!)
Convenience stores are really guilty of this. I was at the Kwik Shop in Falls City, Ne., in one of those restrooms where the door wouldn't lock (anyone walking by when the door opens will get a free show). Luckily, I was only taking (or should it be GIVING ) a leak, when 2 drunk guys charged in. Let's just say one used the toilet while the other used the sink. We guys have all been guilty of that, at one time or another, while women have a hard time with that trick.
A Coastal station that I visited in Des Moines had only a toilet, no urinal.) I found out later that it used to be the Ladies Room). The point is, it had a full length mirror behind the toilet. You have to be some kind of real ego-maniac to want to watch THAT show while you're "doing your business". Don't the people who work there ever notice how wierd that is? Is it only me?
My last story is slightly off-topic, but I'll tell it anyway. I was at another Kwik Shop in a small town and asked where the rest room was. The clerk said they only had one for the employees, (take note of that statement), but I could go in the back and use it. This room actually had a condom machine on the wall. That certainly must be a friendly crew!

Well, I've managed to piss away a lot of your time on the same old crap. But, I say, if you don't like it SIT ON IT!

All Shook Up

2005-04-25T03:41:00.000-07:00

ELVIS - Is he still dead? Was he ever dead? Not in the minds of a significant portion of the public. Elvis lives - on record, cassette, 8 track, CD, in movies on DVD, VHS, and film, in a never-ending parade of books and magazines, in person, at least by imitation, on TV, latest being the upcoming mini-series about the King (by the way, did Priscilla become the Queen when they married?) and, last, but certainly not least, in the scandal rags.
Everything that could possibly be written or said about Elvis has been done, right? Not so fast. My memories of Elvis have never been aired before. Here goes:

I remember in about 1956 that my best friend's older sister had several Elvis 78s. I specifically saw "Heartbreak Hotel". Can you imagine what that would be worth on eBay?
That friend had the most wild, untamed crazy, dog I've ever seen. His family named the mutt "Elvis", for some unexplained reason. When they went on vacation, I was asked to feed him. This was nearly impossible! I had to push the food and water dishes through the fence when he was on the other side of the yard, or he would have bitten my hand off. And he was very familiar with me. At least no one would EVER break into that house.
At about that same time, Elvis appeared in Omaha, my hometown, with Bill Haley and his Comets as the opener. (Or maybe the other way around.) The story went that a female fan threw her bra onto the stage. This was shocking in the 50s. Now they're encouraged to do it by groups like Motley Crue. The local authorities took umbrage at this circumstance, and saw to it that Elvis was banned from Omaha for about 20 years. In the intervening years, Omaha authorities also banned the musical "Hair" and the group called "The Tubes" (remember them?), because they had a couple of topless dancers on stage with them in other cities. This is no surprise in the city that banned topless bars and adult bookstores in about 1970 and still doesn't allow them. They did relent and let "Hair" play at the Music Hall.

When Elvis was finally able to return again in 1975, I was there to see him in the 4th row center. The only way you could get tickets was by mail (this was before the Internet), so I had my envelope hand-postmarked at the main Post Office right when they opened at 8am on the first day. Anyway, I was so close, I could hear his off-mike comments to the band, including a few choice cuss words! (Off the subject, but why do I always see the word "microphone" abbreviated to "mic"? That used to be a derogatory term for an Irishman. It needs to be spelled "mike" so everyone can pronounce it correctly.)

Now for the bombshell. I have never seen this mentioned anywhere in all these years since the 50s. Back then we heard a rumor that Elvis was Gay and liked to have young men brought to him in every city. His dates with all his co-stars and marriage were all supposedly shams to make him look straight in the eyes of the public. Much like Rock Hudson. Some celebrities back then didn't try to hide it at all, like Liberace. Many a gay man believed Elvis was singing "Loving You" to him. But he probably wasn't. Who knows for sure. Will someone please step forward with first hand (no pun intended) information?

Now don't get all shook up. Great balls of fire, it was only a rumor!

More things I hate.

2005-04-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

People trying to sound "hip". Using expressions like "Know what I'm sayin'?" or the abbreviated form "Nome sayin'?" You've heard it and stifled the impulse to say "No, I don't know what you're saying." I have to bite my tongue not to say, "No, and above all, I don't CARE what you're saying!" The other I hear all the time lately is "My bad." It seems to be a lame way to take the blame for something you did wrong. My answer to that is always "What?" I can't believe the person is saying something so stupid.
People who make a big deal about how they've quit smoking, but constantly borrow cigarettes. It's just a way for them to save money and cost you money. Similarly disgusting are the ones who have smoked for 20 years, quit (for now) and all-of-a-sudden claim they are allergic to smoke. They always lecture you about smoking and become real wet-blankets socially. (Like Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live.)
One item on my list of 10 from the other day, whistling, was in the national news yesterday. It seems they had a national convention somewhere with a competition. These people actually CHOSE to sit and listen to whistler after whistler strutting his stuff. It does prove the old adage "Birds of a feather flock together." These bores definitely deserve each other!
Someone at Google misunderstood yesterday's comments and put ads for Rap music in the right side column. It's like putting a KKK ad in Ebony.

A final note (maybe) about a favorite topic: Red State - Blue State. Red denotes embarassment, as in "He had a red face." These people definitely should be embarassed for the way they voted and sold the rest of us down the river. Blue denotes off-color, as in "He cussed a blue streak." Apparently without embarassment! Blue also means sadness, which we feel after losing to Bush.
The Red states' "moral values" crowd claims to be pure, but often have huge skeletons in their closets, (which many of them hide in, by the way.) Along with the "neo-cons", they claim to be True Blue Americans. Naturally, this makes the Blues green with envy - Not!

My bad! I managed to smoke a lot of people, give them a bad rap, upset some blue-noses, and make some people red in the face. But I'm not just whistling in dark.

10 Things I Hate (Chapter 1)

2005-04-23T04:18:00.000-07:00

Don't take me to see any of the following "talents":

Juggling. This should be some kind of athletic competition, maybe in the Olympics. But please don't foist it on the unsuspecting public.
Tap dancing. The clickity click of the cleats on the boards. The "rhythm", often enhanced by cymbals, or what-have-you. The stiff posture and goody-two-shoes attitude. Way more than I can stomach. Again, maybe it should be some kind of competition among people with strong constitutions.
Soft Shoe. Same thing without excessive noise. Just extremely corny music. Gene Kelly is no longer with us - let's let his "art" reside in the history books of entertainment.
Clogging. Oh, my God, how awful! You folks who do this: stay in your garage, rec room, or wherever you get together and don't make the rest of us watch.
Riverdance, Irish "music" (as tasty as Irish food), the Jig, the Pennywhistle (something like the Tonette we learned to play in grade school), Bagpipes (featuring men in skirts with even sillier hats - let's relegate these to 17th century history, or whatever it is), "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" (mine certainly aren't), and "Auld Lang Syne" (Anybody nowadays understand Gaelic?) I may be part Scots-Irish, but I certainly don't claim this crap.
Baton Twirling. This category also includes military drill teams. I really can't stand this stuff. Some guys must watch baton twirlers because of the extreme mini-skirts they always seem to wear (except the male ones, and they're a whole 'nother thing). Spinning rifles- I just don't get. Amazingly, I do like marching bands and their music.
Ventriloquism. Talk about suspension of belief! Who could possibly believe voices are coming from a puppet, a hand made up like a head, or a box on the table (Senor Wences on Ed Sullivan's show was funny- just the way he talked was hilarious). Who wants to believe? Not me. One of the worst offenders of this category is the guy who paints a red circle around his belly button, pretends it's a mouth and then WHISTLES, moving his stomach in and out. Not a pretty sight!
Whistling. Since I brought it up, I despise people who whistle in public. They must have gigantic egos to think that they actually sound good and people really want to hear them. Please, please, please indulge your talent alone. A corollary sin is singing along with the stereo, at a concert, in the movie theater, etc. so loud that the rest of us hear your (usually) off-key rendition over the real thing. Stop it now!
Free-form Poetry. An even bigger ego-trip than whistling. Do you really think this is poetry and not prose, packaged a different way? A Poetry Slam is one of the most pretentious bores EVER put on a stage.
Rap Music. The "rap" part is just elementary school rhymes (although the subject matter, sometimes, does not come from elementary school). the rhymes are usually forced, delivered in a monotone voice that is anything but musical. The "music" part is A. ungodly-irritating repetitive rhythm and bass, B. someone, amusingly called a DJ, who scratches up perfectly good (I guess that's questionable) records, or C. The DJ, or more likely the producer, playing stolen tunes, entire segments, rhythm tracks, or choruses from someone else's record. We've all been stuck in traffic with some fool, with mega-bass, blasting this junk so loud, it vibrates your teeth. You know what I'm talking about and what we'd all like to do to that person. Pure Hell on Earth!

If you think I couldn't possibly make any more enemies than the people who like or do this stuff, just wait. There's way more where these came from! Are you ready?

What's on my mind today.

2005-04-22T04:25:00.000-07:00

1) Why do conservatives always complain about music and movie stars making speeches for Democratic political candidates and causes? These are the very people who spawned Ronald Reagan ("actor"), former President, Gopher from The Love Boat ("actor"), former Iowa Representative, Arnold You-know-who, (actor, champion weightlifter, which is another well-known hotbed of intellectualism), Sonny Bono (that's all that needs to be said.) The Democrats almost never have celebrities who run for anything. Republicans must think their "entertainers" have much more valuable opinions and ideas. Unfortunately, they don't. Luckily, not all reactionary big-mouths run for office. Thank God we don't have Senator Ted Nugent, who uses his concerts and appearances as a platform for the most vitriol-laden crap I've ever heard, (except for Mark Farner, formerly of Grand Funk Railroad, who's a close second), President Charlton Heston (Alzheimers not withstanding.) These rich bastards pretending to be common folk just make me want to puke. Why do so many people always fall for this crap?

So Bono, Ashton Kutcher, Neil Young, Leonardo DiCaprio, and on and on, at least have something to say that's worth listening to. Care for the common man. Really.

2) Why can't we have rock concerts set up like symphony orchestra concerts, with programs handed out to everyone before the show, listing what will be played, who the players are, with time built in for Intermission? Of course not every concert would work this way. Some thrive on spontaneity and change things at a moments notice. But most "oldies" bands are very predictable. At least those of us who can't figure out what song is being played would have something to go by. When I saw Bob Dylan last summer at Principal Park in Des Moines, I only figured out 3 out of 10 songs. I had to read the review in the paper to find out what songs I had heard. As far as I am concerned, they could even put in the lyrics since they always want the audiences to sing certain songs for them. (I hate that!) Not to mention that the words are impossible to dicpher. Two examples:

I used to think Elvis was saying "Return to Simba", The Eagles were touting "Life in the Vaseline", and Deep Purple was singing about "Marijuana from Tokyo". Believe me, they weren't. Not even close.
In The Hollies song "Long, Cool Woman (in a Black Dress), those are about the only words I can understand in the whole song! What the hell are they saying? Listen to it sometime when it comes on your local oldies station on the radio. They had to have been very high! It really sounds like a long, cool stream of gibberish (in a good tune).

3) Don't you hate all these commercials with fake Jamaican accents? What a stereotype! Do they really say "mon" at the end of every sentence? I'm definitely sick of it. And do Canadians really say "aboot" for "about"? Listen carefully - they really say "aboat". Along the same line, I hate the standard imitation of a pirate. Where did that come from? Just mention the word "pirate", and someone will go "Ar-r-r-g-h-h-h-h-h." Yuck!

Don't worry, their'll be more Love and Hate tomorrow where that came from. Come back!

Red State - Blue State. Here's a Better Way!

2005-04-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

You and I both know there probably aren't any strictly Red or Blue States. The problem lies with how the labels are awarded. They indicate that all, or in one or two states, the majority of voters, chose either the Democratic ticket or the Republican ticket. ( By the way, I don't buy that crap from conservative talk shows that the party should never be called Democratic- only the Democrat party. To me, that's like saying the other one must be called the Republic party. Silly, isn't it?)
It all relates to the much-maligned Electoral College. I think it would work great if the Electoral votes reflected the actual percentages of each party's votes. Right now, it's-winner- takes-all in all but (I believe) 2 states. If the number of electors can't be divided up evenly, the extra vote would probably go to the whover won a bigger percentage.
Then the media could have a field day keeping track of all the electors, rather than only 50 states. The Electoral College vote, thus, would more accurately reflect the vote of the people. Originally, the College system was set up to give small states an equal voice in presidential elections. It does not do that at all, because the bigger states still have way more electoral votes. And besides, it's not the states that vote, it is the people- and were all part of the United States. We are not 50 separate countries joined together in some kind of confederation (the South DID lose the Civil War, remember?)
So I guess if these changes were made, we'd have Lavender states, Maroon states, Purple states, and on and on in all variations. The map wouldn't look as patriotic, but would definitely represent the myriad colors of our people, and that would be a lot more "fair and accurate" coverage.

The best part, as I see it, is George W. Bush would probably not be President, now or ever. We would still be a wealthy, peaceful nation where everyone is important, not just the chosen few.

Today's Odd Thought

I eat out quite a bit, usually in a regular restaurant, not a fast food joint. I don't have anything against them at all, except I like to pay a little extra for the comfort and service. But that's not what's on my mind right now. It's this: when you eat at a "nice" place, you are actually paying rent on the space, and your tip pays for your servant. It's like being rich for a day. Comfortable furniture, nice lights to read by, less hustle and bustle around you, people waiting on you hand and foot (sort of). To me, it's worth it to get out of my dreary, cramped apartment. Of course the "rent" is kind of high when figured on an annual basis, like the interest rate at a pawn shop. Just think about it the next time you go to Village Inn. You might just be renting the booth next to mine!

Have a delicious day! (Just don't eat so much that you turn Purple.)

Red State economics

2005-04-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me today why they are called Red States. It means "red", as in red ink. The majority of voters in these states, in effect, said "yes" to the party that has brought us from the largest surplus of money in the budget we've ever had to the most gigantic defecit the country has been subjected to since Reagan was President. (Was he REALLY, or was that just a bad dream?) These "neo-cons" believe in 2 misnamed tenets of Supply-Side economics. (This means those who control the supply have everything on their side.):

The Trickle-down theory. It should be renamed the Tinkle-on theory. Nothing more needs to be said for you to get the idea.

A rising tide lifts all boats. (or however they say that.) It should be slightly changed to "lifts all yachts". When the tide of prosperity rises, the greedy get greedier and, eventually, only their boats stay afloat. The rest of the boats are grounded.

The other half of us, the Blue States are appropriately named due to how blue we feel after losing the election. The other way to look at it is to remember that blue is a calming color and red is used as a sign of danger or warning.

Gripe of the Day

While driving home from work, I passed one of those ubiquitous signs where some ignorant person used a small "l" in place of a capital "L". This one said "BIG SAIE". Does that make any sense when you read it like this? Then why does it seem right to whoever put up that sign? Don't they have an"L" in their lettering set?

Election of New Pope Changes Cliche

Let me be the first to tell you (I'm sure of that) we can no longer say "Is the Pope Polish?" when commenting on how obvious something is. (You weren't still saying the retro "Is the Pope Catholic?" were you?) You must now say (altogether, now) "Is the Pope German?"

Now that I have offended Republicans, people who like the color red, bad spellers, Catholics, the Polish, and Germans, I will leave you with this thought. Just say "I represent that remark!"

Let's continue...

2005-04-19T04:34:00.000-07:00

First, I want to expand on what I wrote yesterday:
1) Why would Republicans, with their long history of fanatical anti-Communism (remember Sen. Joseph McCarthy?) allow "their" states to be called Red anything? At least it seems kind of appropriate nowadays. Republicans (at least the Bush cabal and the fundamentalist Christians) want the federal government to control ever aspect of our lives and want all the wealth for the elite few. Kind of like how Communism turned out when put into practice. Real Communism would spread the wealth and power among ALL the people.
2) The first time I noticed this strange usage of "soluable" was on Bruce Williams' radio show. I enjoy his show and his advice, but he sure knows how to screw up common words. He also thinks that peoples' wages are "garnisheed" rather than "garnished". "Garnishee" is the noun meaning the person whose wages are garnished. Got it?
That reminds me of another word expert, columnist James J. Kilpatrick. He once asked in a column why the # key on the phone was called the pound key. He only thought of the fact that it looks like a tic-tac-toe game. I wrote and told him the obvious: that it is the universal symbol for the weight-type pound, as in "a 10# bag of potatoes". He actually wrote me back a typewritten answer (this was 20 years ago,) thanking me and commenting on something else I'd written. It was kind of strange, because he didn't sign it. It almost looked like a ransom note.
I'll be adding more tomorrow. See you then!

A few quick thoughts.

2005-04-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

Here are a few miscellaneous, unconnected thoughts I had recorded in my notes:
1) Red States used to mean Communist countries, like Cuba, China, USSR, etc. Now some brilliant thinker somewhere decided to call states that voted a majority for Republicans Red States.
2) Instead of saying "I resemble that remark!" instead of "I resent that remark!", I propose people say "I represent that remark!" It sounds almost the same, but actually means something.
3) I hear people say "That problem is soluable" instead of "solvable" Soluable means you can put it in water. Solvable means you can find a solution. I think that's what they mean.
I will be adding more to the list tonight after midnight. Stay tuned.

Going to Pot.

2005-04-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

So Showtime made a musical out of "Reefer Madness" - and they didn't even have Willie Nelson or Whitney Houston? I have an even better flashback for those of us who grew up in the Sixties. (Yes, I can still remember the Sixties - I wasn't THAT involved.) I would like to see someone make a movie of "A Child's Garden of Grass"! Does anyone remember that besides me? It was the type of thing that if you thought it was hilarious, you had to be high, like "Dude, Where's My Car?".

"A Child's Garden of Grass" was first a book, a satire on "A Child's Garden of Verse". Then somebody (I can't remember who) had the bright idea to turn it into a record album. No, it was not Firesign Theater, whose "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers" was written and performed like a screenplay, although it sounded like them with a female voice added. And, no, it was not The Fugs, whose "Golden Filth" album is full of screenplay-worthy stories.

"A Child's Garden of Grass" was made up of separate short skits about what pot is, how it affects you, and why your girlfriend has to be careful when she goes to the refrigerator. (Believe me, you have to hear it for yourself!) The voices were funny and the sound effects were wild, or they seemed so at the time. Somebody really ought to do it, because it would be one groovy movie. Believe me, this is not just a pipe dream.

Personally, I wish our government would stop wasting money on their ridiculous, fruitless, never-ending, basically point-less attack on our personal freedoms called, since the Nixon Administration, The War on Drugs. They should be able to win this war because drugs can't fight back! But seriously, they'll never win because the people have spoken. Those who indulge, and there are many, have to take the hit, so to speak, for the misguided-moralism of this policy. Prohibition didn't work and this debacle will not work, either, except to keep costing a fortune in money and lives, both of which could be used in way more productive ways.

Enough blowing smoke up your a**!

Happy Trails to you.

Getting Sentimetal.

2005-04-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

What do these songs have in common? Ozzy's "I'm Coming Home", Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home", Kiss' "Beth", Metallica's (Lynyrd Skynyrd's) "Tuesday's Gone", etc., etc., etc. They are all weepy, sentimental songs by supposedly heavy metal or hard rock bands. I have decided we need a new universally-accepted name for these "songs that make a strong man weep". The new word is sentimetal.

From now on, when you hear one of these corny dirges or self-indulgent drivel that many otherwise-rockin' groups foist on the unsuspecting head-banger, you'll say "Wow, sentimetal!" as the tears come to your eyes.
One prime example just popped into my head. One of my favorite bands, Cheap Trick, had their biggest hit with this sort of crap: "The Flame". The bad part is that this tin-pan-alley schlock is usually the song that takes a group to the top of the charts and instant, though long-deserved, popularity. Witness REO Speedwagon, 38 Special, Aerosmith, Def Leppard, Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2, the list goes on and on.
And it has been going on for years- rockers getting big hits off ballads. Elvis did "Are You Lonesome Tonight", that pitiful song where he talks half way through, remember? Herman's Hermits did "The End of the World" (Who did that earlier, Skeeter Davis?) And my prime example, which borders on satire, with the operatic emoting: "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" by Meatloaf.
I guess there's really nothing wrong with these songs- I kind of like some of them, but if I go to a rock concert, I want to hear rock music. Who needs fools waving there lighters in the air, swaying back and forth. Let's ROCK!
When I think of Jimi Hendrix, I think of "Fire" not "The Wind Cries Mary". When I think of The Who, it's "Baba O'Reilly" not "Behind Blue Eyes" (Recently redone for some unknown reason by who? I can't remember.) There are so many examples, I could fill a book, which, no doubt, would be a romance novel.

Enough of this sentimetal journey! Weep no more. The subject is now closed.

The Social Security Lockbox.

2005-04-15T05:28:00.000-07:00

What happened to Al Gore's lockbox for Social Security? Maybe I'm missing something, but no one in the mainstream media, alternative media, or talk radio seems to be mentioning it. Wasn't that a good idea - the President keeping his hands off Social Security? Too bad Gore lost in the Supreme Court -I mean the "election". Too bad Kerry lost, too. He would never have cooked up such a half-baked idea as PROFITIZING - I mean "privitizing" Social Security.
FDR must be whirling in his grave. How could anyone think of f--king with one of his greatest programs? For so many people, this is the only money they have to live on. For so many people, managing their own investments would be like doing brain surgery.

Get real, George! About half the people who voted for you either fell for your crap, or just couldn't bring themselves to vote for an "East Coast elite" guy like Kerry. (By the way, isn't that what George W. Bush is? Son of super rich, East Coast people, Yale graduate, carpetbagger in Texas, with a phony, adopted accent?) I am just praying that people will see this mega-give-away to the corporate world for what it is. A rip-off of most every US citizen, except the already-super-rich.
I believe Congress should do everything it can to bolster the current program and put this dead-body-of-a-plan in an early grave. It should not take one more moment of public debate. President Bush should be ignored by the media, and everyone else, every time he tries to speak about his dabacle of a plan. He should be shunned by all decent people for trying to pull such a fast one on our population.
Because of his on-going wars, the country does not have extra money for this stupid idea. Plus, there already are several ways for individuals to save for retirement through government programs (401k, etc.) Has something happened to them that I don't know about? If these aren't enough private retirement programs, create new ones. Just do it outside of Social Security.
Keep Social Security in the mythical lockbox, and for God's sake, don't let GW have a key!

Off the top of my head...

2005-04-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Today's thought has jumped to the head of my list. I'm flush with excitement as I sit on the throne, relieving myself of this burden. I don't mean to bowl you over with cliches, so I'll just put a lid on it and let it flow...the topic is toilet lids. I'm sick of the "truth" we all know, that women hate it when men leave the seat up on the toilet. From my point of view, women have more to worry about when men leave the seat down. Usually this means they urinated through the hole in the seat. And even as big as it is, you know men don't have the greatest aim. So, do you really want to follow a man who just used the toilet and left the seat down? I didn't think so.
Be thankful he left it up and just remember to check before you sit down. I always wondered why anyone would sit down on the toilet without checking the seat anyway. It seems intuitive to me, as a protective measure. Who knows what you're going to sit on (or IN) if you don't check first?

My take on the whole thing is people (of both genders) should always put down the seat and lid and be sure to flush. That is something worth being upset about! With the lid down, you don't have to worry about the Seinfeld-like nightmare of dropping a tooth brush in the toilet, (or a cell phone, as a friend of mine did.) And your dog, or other so-inclined animal, will have to go to his own waterdish for a "fresh" drink.

Enough of this potty talk for now.

And so it begins...

2005-04-13T04:32:00.000-07:00

This is my first posting ever on a blog. I will be using my site to express my random thoughts, political ideas, miscellaneous rants, comments on outrageous behavior in the world, solutions to life's great problems, trivia, and occasional ephemera.
My first thought comes from a note I wrote to myself- I do that all the time. Don't you hate the phrase "Suspension of Disbelief"? I do. Why isn't it SUSPENSION OF BELIEF? You're making a conscious choice to forget that you don't believe a thing you're seeing, but enjoy it anyway. You're not putting your disbelief on hold, you're putting what you believe to be true out of your mind long enough to enjoy a different reality. You are opening up your rational mind to accept the irrational, as if it were rational, at least for the time you are watching the show.
I believe I'll see you tomorrow.